Do you have inappropriate relationships?

An inappropriate relationship is any relationship with another person that pulls us away from loving our spouses fully and honestly. You may not be having a physical/sexual affair with someone, but how about an emotional affair.

What is an emotional affair?

An emotional affair happens when you put the bulk of your emotions into the hands of somebody outside of your marriage – someone of the opposite sex. You share things you don’t share with your spouse: your innermost thoughts, funny jokes, and interesting personal experiences.

I’m not against opposite sex friendships for married people for the most part. However, I think we need to be clear about our boundaries in those friendships.

Several years ago I spoke about inappropriate relationships at a men’s retreat. I introduced a checklist that can help determine if you are in an emotional affair with a friend or co-worker. The list can help you short-circuit falling into a relationship that can destroy your marriage.

Red Flags for an Emotional Affair

  • You think or say, “We’re just friends.”
  • You daydream about him/her.
  • You look forward to seeing him/her.
  • You want to tell him/her news about your life first.
  • You share intimate emotions with each other.
  • You share intimate problems about your marriage(s). You love sharing your troubles and you love it when he/she listens to you so well.
  • You believe he/she understands you more than your spouse.
  • You keep secrets and cover up.
  • You give gifts.
  • You spend more and more time alone.

We are always one decision away from disaster. I hope this list will help you make a good decision about relationships outside your marriage.

I would love to hear other suggestions for the checklist and how you protect your marriage from inappropriate relationships. Use the comment section below.