How do you react to stress in your marriage? Some people take everything in stride. Their naturally laid-back attitude shines through even in stressful situations. Another deadline? Bring it on. The dishwasher is leaking? No problem. It will be a simple repair.

Others get anxious at the first sign of a stressful situation. Running late for a meeting? Time to panic! Stuck in a traffic jam? Let the cursing begin!

Healthy coping mechanisms can help couples respond to stress in healthier ways. Try these if you react to stress in negative ways.

Get your emotions out in a positive way. Bottling up emotions can have a huge impact on marriages. You might think that avoiding conflict is less stressful, but it usually causes both of you to store up tension. As tension grows, so does resentment, resulting in an even bigger argument. It is better to discuss things that make you unhappy in a respectful and calm way before letting them blow up.

Approach challenges with open communication. If there are issues that are troubling you, set aside a time to talk with each other in a relaxed setting. Be willing to share each other’s concerns, fears and hopes without criticizing or judging. Talk about how you can work together to improve the situation. In order for a couple to work as a team, you need to know what your spouse is really thinking about the issue. Problems escalate when you stop talking with each other.

You don’t always have to be right. Your spouse’s opinion will be different from yours. No surprise there! Do not expect him or her to see things in the same light as you all the time. Learn to compromise and realize that there is not always a wrong or a right in a given situation. Both of you can have equally valid points of view.

Pray together. Bring to God in prayer the things that cause you stress. Ask him to help you discern what to do to ease the stress in your lives and to help you stay committed to your marriage.

Show your affection. Make it a point to tell each other “I love you,” and say it often. Do not assume your spouse knows your feelings at the moment. It’s during the tough times that your partner needs the reassurance of your love even more.

Plan for couple time. Carve out time in your schedule, several times a week, to be alone with your mate and get away from whatever is causing you stress. Take a walk together. Go out to dinner. Have a picnic at the park. Get up a half hour earlier so that you and your spouse can have a quiet breakfast in bed before you leave for work. Share a pot of tea after the kids are in bed. If you cannot fit couple time into your busy schedule, you need to reprioritize your time commitments so that you can.

Couple Time – Let’s Talk About It

  1. How do you typically respond to stress?
  2. Which suggestions above will help you minimize stress in your marriage?
  3. How can your spouse pray for you now and in the coming week?

Reprinted from Tools for a Great Marriage Devotional (2014) by William Batson.