Beliefs That Shape Your Marriage

We all hold thousands of beliefs, big and small, about ourselves, our spouses, and our marriages. Some may be true, but I suspect many are not. However, our actions are driven by what we believe in our hearts. Here are three beliefs that can damage your marriage, along with the healthy belief.

 Love is only a feeling. A marriage does not last based simply on the emotional feeling of love. It lasts through the consistent work the couple is willing to put into the relationship. Love is far more than a feeling—it’s a daily choice. A marriage doesn’t thrive on emotion alone; it grows through consistent, intentional effort.

Healthy belief: Love is a commitment that expresses itself in positive action, even when the feelings fluctuate.

My needs come first. Selfishness on the part of one (or both) spouses is one of the major causes of divorce. Selfishness is a slow poison in marriage. It might start with small things like, “I deserve this,” or “What about me?”—but left unchecked, it hardens the heart and erodes trust. Successful marriages require both husband and wife to practice self-sacrifice and selflessness.

Healthy belief: Love means putting “we” before “me.”

Love makes everything easy. Problems in the relationship are not a sign that it’s doomed or that you no longer love each other. Even great marriages hit rough seasons. Challenges don’t mean you’re failing; they mean you’re human. Successful couples understand that there will be highs and lows throughout their marriage. Couples who endure hard times with grace come out stronger, wiser, and more connected than ever before.

Healthy belief: Problems are opportunities to grow, not reasons to quit.

Think About It: What beliefs do you have about your marriage relationship (positive or negative), and how do they influence your feelings and actions?