The Bible clearly defines the power of our words: “Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18), and “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21).

Because careless words can wound, practicing a little self-control is a great way to implement change in your marriage. When you are tempted to react by speaking harshly or thoughtlessly with your spouse, consider these three steps to exhibit self-control:

  • Stop. When you’re irritated, angry or frustrated, don’t say the first thing that comes to mind. Stop before you speak.
  • Think. Carefully consider if your words will be helpful to your spouse and your marriage. Is this the right time and place to share what’s on your mind?
  • Choose. Recognize that you are at an important fork in the road. Carefully choose your response. Speak words that will bring life to your marriage —or bite your tongue and say nothing.

Couple Time – Take some time to discuss the questions below with your spouse.

  1. If we determined to stop, think and choose our words carefully when we’re irritated or upset, how might that change our marriage?
  2. Which of these three steps is the most challenging for us?
  3. What changes can we make in the pace of our life to allow us to respond, rather than react, to one another.