Focusing on Marriages Affected by Disability
When disability or chronic illness affects a marriage, everything changes.
The stress of a disability or chronic illness can be challenging to a marriage, even when two people have been deeply in love for decades. Just knowing that they will live their entire lives (except for a healing miracle), having to cope with the ravages of a disease, such as multiple sclerosis, cancer, lupus, heart disease, depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, and a host of others, can be an enormous burden to carry. They constantly deal with questions like these:
- How do I juggle my needs with the needs of my chronically ill spouse?
- How can I fight feelings of inadequacy and guilt?
- Am I a burden to my spouse?
- How do I keep it together for my spouse who has a chronic illness?
- What do I do when I find myself thinking, “This is more than I bargained for?”
Until her death in February 2018, Cindy and I were well acquainted with these thoughts and feelings. In 1991, she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, an autoimmune disease that progressively disabled her to the point of spending her waking hours in a wheelchair. We daily navigated the challenges this chronic illness and disability presented in our marriage.
A Unique Challenge
Nearly half of all Americans live their day-to-day lives with at least one chronic illness as a companion. Statistics show that over 75 percent of marriages plagued by chronic illness end in divorce. Nothing quite assists a spouse in understanding his or her role of helpmate like a chronic illness.
– Focus on the Family
God has given us a distinctive gift and opportunity
In 2011, after speaking at a large men’s conference, God led us to reach out to those facing unique stressors in their relationships due to a chronic illness. I was given the opportunity to lead a seminar on how to make a marriage work when your spouse has a chronic illness – physical, mental, or emotional. A small room with 35 chairs was assigned. I wondered if anyone would come. Ten minutes before the seminar, the room was overflowing with guys in every chair, sitting on the floor, and standing against the walls. There were more than 60 men there! A room filled with men who were living with life-changing and life-threatening illnesses – their own or their wives. They longed to know how to navigate this journey with courage, understanding, and compassion. Afterwards, they stood in line to tell their stories and ask the raw, candid questions that could only be asked in that room. Cindy was deeply moved by the comments and tears of men who communicated their gratitude to her for suggesting this seminar topic.
These are couples that are in need of help and not everyone can do this type of ministry. There are limited resources and expertise to guide them on those occasions when they hit major relational road blocks. Not everyone can speak into their hearts and marriages the way we can. God has given us a distinctive gift and opportunity.
Build a Stronger Marriage Together
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (New Living Translation Bible)
Help Us Build Stronger Together Marriages
After Cindy’s death in February 2018, I wondered if God wanted me to continue this ministry. With prayerful consideration and counsel from close friends and colleagues, I decided to continue providing helpful resources for couples affected by a chronic illness or disability in their marriages. Now that Debbie and I are married, our similar backgrounds in marriages affected by a chronic illness or disability can be used by God to equip and encourage others. (Read more on the About page.)
Debbie and I have been truly blessed to partner with Joni and Friends USA, serving as Marriage Getaway presenters and as a pastor/counselor at Family Retreats. Together, we’ve had the opportunity to support couples and families affected by disability, providing Christ-centered guidance, compassion, and the assurance that God recognizes their struggles and is with them on their journey. This partnership has expanded our reach and allowed us to walk alongside even more husbands, wives, and caregivers who desperately need support.
Your gift — large or small — will allow us to:
- Provide workshops and online resources for couples who feel isolated.
- Support caregivers who desperately need encouragement.
- Serve the Joni and Friends Marriage Getaways and Family Retreats by covering our expenses, enabling them to offer more subsidized access to families and couples experiencing financial challenges.
The Stronger Together marriage initiative is an associated ministry of my home church, Grace Community Church, in Rochester, New Hampshire. This allows us to accept tax-deductible donations to cover the operating expenses of Stronger Together programs, including our personal financial support.
Your generosity will help couples rediscover hope, deepen their connection, and experience God’s sustaining grace in the midst of disability and chronic illness. Together, we can help them not just endure — but grow Stronger Together.
You can make your one-time or recurring donation online or send a check payable to Grace Community Church, designating it for “Stronger Together.” When giving online, be sure to choose the drop-down box on the secure giving page and select “Stronger Together Marriage Ministry-Batson.” Thank you for your prayerful consideration.
Mailing Address:
Stronger Together/Grace Community Church
69 Wakefield Street
Rochester, NH 03867
Participants share their appreciation:
“Grateful for the passion in ministry that you both have and your willingness to spend this time pouring into other couples to draw closer to each other and closer to God.”
“Thank you, guys, for taking the time to guide and support us and our marriages. You both bring so much wisdom, grace, and love to the table. We prayed for God to open our hearts and accept what He had in store for us this weekend, and we are certainly coming out of it with a LOT of resources, support, strategies, and a different mindset. Thanks for making it fun and filled with laughter.”
“I want to thank you for your wonderful messages — super encouraging especially after such hardship but y’all have the passion and perspective to really speak!”